Article in Medium - Fake Friends

I once read an article that listed signs of fake friends. It was alarming to compare the list to my current friendships. It made me question so many things and realize that I have been a fool for quite some time. I am also at an age that I am no longer giving energy to people or things that do not deserve it.

If you have any inclination that you might have a fake friend lurking in your group, and you want to know a few ways to walk away from them, keeping reading.

A licensed marriage and family therapist Tiana Leeds, M.A., LMFT, explains, “A quality friendship includes support, loyalty, and closeness — three things you cannot find in a fake friend.” Usually fake friends want something from you but have little or nothing to give in return. Have you ever noticed that you're always the one to initiate conversations and make plans? How about that friend that is unreliable but likes to claim they are your bestie? They want all the credit but don't want to actually want to put in the effort or actually care about you as a person.

Here are some signs of fake friends:

They try to sabotage you and are disrespectful- This will present itself in ways such as trying to embarrass you in front of people but doing it “jokingly”. This behavior is similar to competitiveness- basically they will try to sabotage you to make themselves look better or get a “win”. This friend already does not have your best interest or well-being in mind, so they have very little regard about your feelings and boundaries. They are hurtful because they just dont care about you.

Their behavior is repetitious- this is self-explanatory, if their toxic behavior continues with no signs of it stopping then you can be sure youre dealing with a fake friend. Run away!

Their friendship is one-sided/competitive- toxic/fake friends often use you as an emotional dumpster but arent there for you when you need. Fake friends always try to one-up you in a conversation even if no one else is around, just to feel better than you.

They have something to gain from you/They are jealous of you- by being your friend these fake friends use you to gain things such as social status, employment and other perks and benefits but they don’t value you. Maybe part of the reason they use you is because they are jealous of you, and they do not want you to do well.

They don’t celebrate with you- in fact they will often down play your accomplishments and successes, and even belittle you.

They have nothing good to say about you/they talk about you behind your back- Some people will say mean or hurtful things to your face, some (or both) will talk about you behind your back. What is the most concerning part of this behavior is that they have no remorse for their actions. If anyone has such disrespect for you then clearly they are not a good friend.

They drain your energy/make you feel bad about yourself- Think about how you feel when you’re around these people, and after for that matter. A fake friend will not uplift you when you’re around each other. You might also notice that you feel insecure, used, or judged in their presence. This doesn’t always come in the form of words, sometimes its just a feeling of disaproval or judgment.

Now lets talk about ways to disconnect from these toxic leaches.

The odds are you have been friends for a while, but for whatever reason feelings have changed. Take notice of how your friend is in other friendships, or if they even have many solid, long lasting friendships. If there is any reason to suspect that there might be any hope in salvaging this friendship than it might be worth trying to work things out with in-depth communication.

The best thing I can recommend is to trust your gut, whichever way its leading you. If this person constantly makes you feel bad and you cant see a future where you can make it work, then this relationship isn’t serving you. Friendships should be mutually beneficial.

Now you might have decided that its time to cut things off. You now have two options that will help you maturely move forward. Clearly one option is to break things off completely. Another is to just respectfully distance yourself from the fake friend.

Its not always necessary to have an official conversation about breaking up, you can just match their level of energy they put into the relationship. Whichever route you choose odds are you will feel closure and empowered, the best advice i have is to stay true to yourself, standup for your boundaries, and don’t let anyone disrespect you with their undeserving presence in your life.

I feel the need to also mention that this might not be as easy as it sounds, you clearly have feelings invested in this friendship and probably years, and mutual friends. In the future, or starting now, you will want to surround yourself with like-minded people who support, up-lift, and respect your feelings. You are the sum of the people you surround yourself with.